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Medieval Times: Chivalry, Cheering, & Chicken

Medieval Times
2001 N. Roselle Road | Schaumburg, IL

I've been to the Orlando Medieval Times as a child, with my sweetheart, and as a chaperone. When I drove past the castle in Schaumberg, Illinois it struck me as odd. I knew there were other locations, but to see it nestled between office parks and factories seemed off. No mini-golf close by. It's not on the way to the happiest place on Earth. It's just there, looming over the interstate. 

I found some friends who were interested in going. Mr. K had never been. Groupon had a great deal. So last weekend, I found myself at Medieval Times again. I did not know what to expect at this Illinois location. I did not know if I'd be as fascinated by the jousting, hand-to-hand combat, and chicken as an adult. I was really looking forward to finding out.

We arrived to find a crowd. I was surprised so many people were there on this random summer Saturday. The line moved quickly and we were through ticketing. 

Unfortunately, we were seated in the section for the red knight.

Notable Differences
  • The horses were indoors in a pen surrounded by glass windows.
  • The museum of torture and castle itself seemed much smaller.
  • The Illinois castle did not have the medieval village. 
  • The serves handed out to-go boxes. Maybe it's a new thing at all locations. I never have any left!
  • Vegetarian fare is available now. I believe it's at all locations, but not something I remember from my youth. 
  • The knights threw out way more flowers than I remember. At three or more points they were throwing out fistfuls of carnations. 
We looked at the beautiful Spanish horses. We walked around the hall and looked at the coat of arms, images, and weapons they had on display. It started getting crowded fast. I grabbed a Newcastle but didn't spring for the souvenir mug. It still came in a mighty-fine plastic cup with knight hologram around the outside. I was even asked where I got the mighty-fine tumbler by a passerby. 

The king showed up, announcements were made, trumpeters trumpeted, and we were allowed in to take our seats.

We had a four-seat table all to ourselves. The arena overall seemed small, but every seat was full. The lights went down and the show began. It was just as cheesy and wonderful as I remembered. Even the theme music stayed true to the 90s.

The food was as I remembered. It was more flavorful than you'd expect for a mass-produced meal. It wasn't overly salty. I could have done without the sweet rib. I think our wench forgot about us most of the night, and the beer wench had to be hearkened. But that meant a clearer view of the show. Overall I left full.

The show was full of drama, sword play, and comebacks. But in the end, the red knight did indeed go down.


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